hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
