i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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