Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
operation harelip BJ is a go
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
