its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
