Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
