Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
