He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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