why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
