I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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