I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
