I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
