It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
