3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize