apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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