i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
