dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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