it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
