what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
