FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
