some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
