And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
