I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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