Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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