it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do vagina's smell?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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