he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
