Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
