I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
