She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
