I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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