carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
