The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
