I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
