i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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