I want to have your abortion
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
