Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
