dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
