conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How does one acquire holy water?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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