If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
