I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
