So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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