If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
