I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
