I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
sex in a hospital.. check
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
