he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
