Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
