4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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