smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
