I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
