Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
