I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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