There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
