somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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