If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize