I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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