...so i touched it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
