Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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