i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
