my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
