He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
