naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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