see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
