Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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