the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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