apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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