this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
